so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
