You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
