You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
