i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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