I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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