Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
