i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
