im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
