i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
