Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
