I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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