Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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