Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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