I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Randomize
