All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
