i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
