So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
