the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
