What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
