i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
two words: eviction party
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
