I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize