You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
