U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
