I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
