Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
