ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
