I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
