Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
