wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
