I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
