This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
