break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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