If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Its about making memories worth repressing
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
