i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
