Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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