I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
