so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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