I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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