Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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