I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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