Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i came on her dog
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
