I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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