you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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