the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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