I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
