Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
