i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
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he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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