he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
