Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
