I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
