This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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