I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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