i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
being pregnant is like rehab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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