Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
