fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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