I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
