She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
