I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
