you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
