Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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