im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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