i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
