Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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