are you so shy because you have an std?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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