Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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