he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
