she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
